There are questions that fill my brain in the wee hours of the morning. Why are women still fighting to gain equality? When did we lose the power of choice and control over our own bodies? Did we ever “rule the world” and if we did why is there no mention of it in the records of history? If we never did, why is there a collective memory among women as having power? Why are so many men terrified of women, specifically strong women or women in power?
One of the greatest things I have ever discovered is the realization that I am under a spell of fear; we all are. I gather myself, bringing forward the robust bits of my heart. These bits waver, hesitate, and wonder. What would I look like if I had no fear? I don’t want to rule the world, I simply want to live in a world that treats the feminine as valuable. At the same time, the spell tells me that women cannot rule, we cannot lead, we are not strong enough to be in charge of the planet. In one sense, we cannot, because as women we still fight each other and although we all have a tribe, every woman knows, she is being watched by other women. That critical eye from our mother’s, sisters, co-workers, friends, and strangers is ever-present and also part of the spell. We have been wooed into a complacent submission to accept that there is such a thing as the perfect woman- and so many of us aspire to be “her.” If we achieve this level of perfection, we will then have the power we seek, the equality, the ability to make our own decisions.
We all know that magazine images are airbrushed, yet we still work at contouring and shading our face, so it appears thinner, darker, lighter, less blemished, more perfect. Why don’t men do this I wonder? We color our hair until old age to maintain the image and “beauty” of youth. We cling to the men who love and respect us, yet we do not trust them with our real selves. The fear is real; the reality is based on a sticky, unavoidable terror that we are not good enough, not thin enough, white enough, tan enough, popular enough, or whatever it is we think we lack.
I have watched as numerous memes float about on social media heralding women’s strength and wild women and brave conquests of our hearts allowing us to accept rejection for being ourselves, yet really, we don’t. We are terrified that who we are is simply not good enough. Margaret Thatcher said, “Power is like being a lady… if you have to tell people you are, you aren’t” The same goes for every other thing we aspire to, if you have to show the world you are strong, you aren’t, if you need to convince people you are wild, you aren’t, if you have to pursuade people you are anything, you aren’t. Yet the internet is filled with images of women who are showing the world how beautiful they are, but these images are only skin, or makeup deep, surface beauty is not what makes a human being attractive, yet that is what we focus on; appearance. What we perceive as a powerful aspect of being female is fleeting, and really the least impactful part of who we are, it is the dark magical illusion of the spell.