You have no excuse to be that stupid!

Alternate title: How to verify a meme for dummies.

I am getting on my broomstick for this one so, hold on to your hats, cover the children’s eyes, or just look away. I am annoyed beyond rationality and writing this in the spirit of hard, dry, sarcastic humor based on a reality I cannot stomach.

I am sick to death of stupid INCORRECT memes. No one even has the f**king dignity to put a little disclaimer at the top of their post, “Hey folks I am really not dumber than a bovine, I know this information is false, it just made me laugh!” At least then, your “friends,” who do not live under a rock or in a cave, understand that you are merely cheering on your side with taunts and jeers. You know, like in the old days when folks would rally behind their team at their favorite sports event, “Rah-rah-ree, kick ‘im in the knee, Ra-ra-rass, Kick ‘im in the other knee.” Ahhhh! Those were the good ol’ days, huh? Back when women were forced to stay at home because we weren’t allowed to own anything or work or well… oops! I digressed.

Ahem. Back to my rant.

I swear to all that is intellectually holy. This drives me crazy! How is it possible that people still post rash incorrect crap on the internet when you have access to nearly EVERY option of verification right at your fingertips?! YOU DON’T EVEN HAVE TO MOVE! It isn’t like the old days where you had to walk up a snowy hill both ways to the library, then make sure you found the right card in the catalog so you could retrieve the book on the shelf. Do you remember those days? Back when you had to have a brain to research information? Before you could “share” knowledge, you had to look things up and research your view. News was the news, and opinion was an opinion. Editors of magazines and newspapers would not allow just anyone to send in an article for publication. Although “back then” news was certainly biased, it still had to be verified, researched, and vetted. Alternatively, you could get around this pesky little truth requirement and send a letter to the opinion page. But then everyone knew your little brain was simply spouting off. It was your OPINION, so we all knew it was just you opining away about whatever butt-nugget idea was bothering you that day.

I am sure you do remember because you are probably not a Millennial. A Millennial would not read this many words (DNF or DNR) or completely ignore it because it isn’t a video. But Millennials don’t share the thoughtless crap you do, they are too self-absorbed to post outright lies about politics or other people, right?

But now you literally don’t even have to move your chips or supersize drink to look up information right where you sit. You can look up actual information on your phone, or computer, or laptop, or whatever object you use to spread your idiocy all over everyone else’s life. You know what happens when you don’t research the garbage you post? Some other goon sees your post, gets a giggle, or feels justified by your snarky meme and slams their finger on the share button and says, “Yeah, take this!” And just like that, you have become part of the problem. Just like that, you look dumber than the folks who decided that killing witch’s familiars (cats) because they were the devil’s consorts (they were not) and thus spurred on the Black Plague. (Look it up if you don’t believe me!)

 So here are my handy tips on how not to be a dummy when sharing a meme.

  1. Look it the ((F-bomb)) up!

It takes two minutes, if you type slowly, to click on a new page in your browser and type in your meme subject. Heck, type in the whole meme if you need to but make a point of doing this simple research.

If you don’t know how to open a new page in your browser, you should not share the meme. It’s too dangerous, just don’t do it.

Pro tip* clear your search history first, that way you may actually get unbiased information that isn’t based on the stuff you usually read.

  1. Use various sources of information.

What this means is that you should check other sources of information. You know, see how many reputable news sites agree with the meme or disagree with the meme. It is relatively simple to figure this out: legitimate sites hire actual journalists to report their stories, not talk-show hosts.

If you don’t think there are any reputable news sites, then do not post the meme. You obviously live under a rock, and the apocalypse is here, so it isn’t safe for you to come out yet. Shhhhh, just stay put, and it will be okay! The aliens will leave soon. Shhhhh, it’s okay. There, there, now, no need to panic, just don’t hit the share button or they will know where you are!

  1. Add a disclaimer.

I said it above. If you know the meme is not entirely accurate, but you feel like being a jerk face asshole and want to stir people up who don’t agree with you, place a small disclaimer at the top of your post. “I know this isn’t true, but it made me laugh, cry, lose my mind.” Whatever… just let the rest of us know you aren’t a complete buffoon. You are merely leading like-minded folks in an aggressive taunt of the opposition, we might respect you more and add a sad face next time you have a bad day.

So, there you go. My rant is done. My poor broomstick is soaking wet from the dripping sarcasm. Have a great day, and go read a book.

Don’t listen to me, figure it out for yourself.